22 Comments
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Contarini's avatar

Apartments hardly ever allow pets.

We had to rent a house because we had two dogs.

When we left, the landlord stiffed me on my security deposit, blaming the dogs for various things, even though we left it cleaner than we found it. I struggle with my ongoing hatred of that man. I know I should forgive, move on, and I mostly have, but it is best not to think back to those events. The dogs are dead, the anger remains. I was desperately short of money at that moment, but I survived. No thanks to him.

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Caleb Caudell's avatar

Landlords can really be hit and miss. I've known good ones, but some real bastards too. And you're right, renting with pets is hard going

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Moo Cat's avatar

I had a landlord who got out a white cloth glove to feel behind the toilet to see if there was dust back there

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Contarini's avatar

What was a speck of dust worth? 100 bucks off your security deposit?

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Moo Cat's avatar

I don’t remember. All very arbitrary, the security deposit

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Sarah  Hawkins (she/her)'s avatar

Person One: Cerebral bore.

Person Two: Satan

Person Three: Just lovely Owen Scott Muir and the rest of his placeholder family network 🤫

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Contarini's avatar

I have no idea who these three persons are to whom you refer.

Or, in the vernacular, WTF?

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Sarah  Hawkins (she/her)'s avatar

Upside down button. 😉

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Jesse Hilson 🌿🩸's avatar

“the birth rate is tanking because we selfishly decided to become Disney adults and devote our lives to riding the tower of terror and taking pictures of ourselves with mouths agape while holding Cambodian corn dogs with spicy red sauce and playing obscenity laden board games with our cats whom we dress up as our favorite marvel superheros and harry potter characters” — I missed the Disney adult cut off point, but it could be worse: living alone with no little faces circling you through living rooms, needing you, needing you to feed them, plus a relationship. Or is it better alone? Grass greener, other side.

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Caleb Caudell's avatar

I'm not really a disney adult, it's a silly bit. But for real, I'm happy with my cats and my relationship, I don't begrudge them

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Jesse Hilson 🌿🩸's avatar

I get that you are often expressing larger critiques, social and economic and demographic forces generally, not necessarily in specific. It’s good, it’s very funny and biting.

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Andy Futuro's avatar

I can tase the acid, or maybe it’s just the sweaty palmful of sour patch kids I just ate.

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Caleb Caudell's avatar

always read with a bag of sour candy on hand

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Jeff S's avatar

I rented a house in LA when I had a Great Dane and a St. Bernard. The landlord charged a little more for the dogs, but nobody ever broke in.

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Obsidian Blackbird.'s avatar

great satire - with likey a bit of good truth in there :)

Great stuff mate :)

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Caleb Caudell's avatar

Thanks, Obsidian, glad you enjoyed. Gotta mix the plain truth with absurd

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Peter Whisenant's avatar

If anyone deserves a Faulknerian mansion, it's you.

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A.P. Murphy's avatar

"abyssal" is an underrated adjective, I feel

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Caleb Caudell's avatar

Absolutely. I have to restrain myself from using it more

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SirTophamHatt's avatar

I don’t know what you call this style of writing where a period signifies the end of a paragraph rather than a sentence, but I’m all for it lol

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Caleb Caudell's avatar

Glad you like, Topham

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Nathan Keller's avatar

This phrase that I think we want to spin right "nothing comes very close". In your hyperbarics and wtcetera you say how I experience plastic nothings. They come close and for example it would seem to make McLuhan's categorizing of media beside the point. I wish you a desk so you can don-t take on the flavor of music you will never love. Imagine being just a lil cold to touch understimulated enough to want to do newspaper cutups. That'd be a game endlessness but we been alive long enough to want to talk from a graveyard drift...from merely mollified What if as if perspective.

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